D'ya like dogz? Or Balloons? Or rationality?

California seriously needs to re-evaluate its priorities. Here are a few propositions that our lawmakers are spending their "valuable" time on.

"Keep your paws off my puppy's privates"
A bill has been introduced that would require pet owners to spay or neuter nearly all cats and dogs by the time they’re 4 months old. Failure to comply would result in a $500 fine (registered breeders would be exempt).

The law is in response to the need for the state to euthanize thousands of stray and unwanted animals. Believe me, I'm all for a reduction in "kill shelters" and I absolutely support anything that protects animals and furthers the efforts of the patron saint of puppy spaying, Bob Barker. My question here is, how the hell do you enforce something like this? Will there be a door-to-door cat-nads task force? Will I be taking little Nemo for an innocent walk, only to have to subject him to the embarrassment of a random search-and-seizure of his sack? And what about the poor law officer charged with the task of making sure that our female furry friends are no longer able to get their freaks on? Does the state budget have enough money in it for all the extra rubber gloves?

Hurting 'em or helium?
Next up is a bill that could blow up in the faces of the party industry. This past week, a legislative panel voted to support a ban on sales of metallic, helium-filled balloons beginning in 2010. Apparently, they are the third-largest cause of power failures in the city of Burbank, CA, and a great general concern due to the proclivity of released balloons to get caught on power lines.

Here's my favorite part: According to the Los Angeles Times, "Barry Broad is battling the balloon ban...He represents a group of balloon industry firms called the Balloon Council, and says the proposed law is another overreaction by state government to a problem that can be addressed with less drastic results."

First, how do I get on this Balloon Council? Do you need an advanced degree from clown college or something? Second, let's look to our friends, the Floridians, who are looking to pass the "Take your gun to work" law. If Florida isn't concerned with people breaking into a random mall-worker's car in a crowded parking lot, pulling out the gun hidden in there and starting a shooting spree at said lot, does California really need to be concerned with a few party balloons enjoying their freedom? And third...ok, forget third. I'm really only concerned with how I get elected to this Balloon Council thingy.

Prop-A-Razzi
And don't even get me started on the proposed "Britney Law", a proposed ordinance that would impose a 20-yard “personal safety bubble” around celebrity paparazzi magnets. I'm sure it sucks that Britney, and Lindsey, and any other celeb who has to use the bathroom at their local Gas 'N' Gulp causes a three-ring circus of snapshotters. But why does California have to foot the bill of legislating and enforcing this issue of security? Maybe there should be a celeb-tax to raise the necessary funds for this. And what about other people who need and deserve to be able to live their lives without the fear of attack by items more dangerous than digital imaging? Are we proposing a safety bubble around poor people who have no choice but to live in zones of rampant gang activity and other crimes? Hell, I'd like a personal bubble around my car every time I go into the dangerously overcrowded local Target parking lot. Once I get on that Balloon Council, I'll have to see if they have any pull with the Bubble Dissemination League.